As a favor to one of my readers and as a measure of helping others better understand the harshness of this post, I want to set up a disclaimer: This post was written for me at one of the lowest points of my love addiction. It may perhaps come off as self-abuse. Tracy, why are you being so harsh with yourself? It may even be seen as a representation of how submissive I can be, yelling myself into understanding recovery. But the main point is that it worked. OK, so I needed to hear this at a time in my life, so as to get over what I considered petty behavior. I believed that if I stopped thinking my problems were so disastrous it would help to put things in perspective for me. The bottom line message that I needed to “get” was that we all need to remove our egos from the equation of our suffering. If we stop and think in term of ourselves as being a part of a bigger picture, connected to all other souls on the planet, we tend to see our own personal suffering as something smaller and more manageable. We stop acting “childish” and going after immediate gratification and pleasure (removal of pain) and start to adapt to the idea that every creature on earth suffers and extracts pain from life. In this way, we are able to keep our suffering in perspective and resolve our struggles more maturely. I tend to need a wake up call from time to time to get me to this point. So…I am offering this wake up call to you as well, if you need it. You may find my tone offensive but it worked for me. Hopefully, it’ll work for someone out there too. And if not, then read this post as one of my many attempts to heal and work on my own personal struggle with LA.
- Stop complaining and whining about your miserable life. There are adults in the world whose children have been kidnapped and sold as child warriors who are brainwashed to kill. There are people in India who are experiencing famine, death and drought. There are men, women and children in this country who are starving, living on the streets, scared and lonely…So what if he doesn’t love you. Get on with your life.
- Stop obsessing. You are obsessed because you want to be. Because you’re bored and have nothing else to do. Find a life, a hobby, a career. Get un-bored. Trust me, you’ll stop obsessing when you start living!
- Stop being so hard on yourself. Just because one guy doesn’t like you, doesn’t mean all men don’t like you. that’s insane. Get real. You’re a good human being (unless you’re not!), so stop it with the pity party.
- Stop complicating things. It is what it is. When someone loves you, it’s pretty black and white. They show it. Love isn’t a guessing game. His one text to you last week is NOT love. He could care less about you. MOVE ON. Stop trying to make it out to be bigger than it actually is.
- Stop being a wimp and get real. So you’ve been dumped. So you’ve lost your man to another woman. So he’s not into you. Who cares! Move on. The more you linger around trying to figure it all out, the more time you waste.
- Stop holding on to his memory. You have better things to do, like LIVE and find someone who really appreciates you.
- Grow up! Recovery is about MATURITY. It takes a mature individual to not only get the concepts of recovery but to apply them as well. A child lingers and whines about his or her lot in life. An adult changes things if he or she is dissatisfied.