Something i learned and wanted to pass on:
Since my recovery has begun I have noticed a strange phenomenon. Some of my new behavior patterns do not feel comfortable or natural. They feel plain old odd. And i can tell i want to revert back to the old way of doing things. But then I realized, OF COURSE THEY FEEL ODD AND WEIRD! I am a love addict. I have adopted negative patterns of behavior and bad ways of doing things. Even though my habits are bad and not good for me, they are comfortable and familiar and because I have been acting out in negative ways for so long, it feels NATURAL to me to do so.
Changing behavior from bad to good– even though it’s in a good direction– will feel unnatural until you keep repeating the good behavior and VALUE it.
Example: my normal behavior pattern is to go running back to G for comfort, even though i am in a current relationship. I might have a problem that i think cannot be resolved in my current relationship so i immediately think to run away and go back to G. I will get drama and support from G immediately. I know this. And it feels good. Of course, after a month of his being super cool and nice, all will revert back to me being avoided and neglected. And I’ll be miserable again.
My not-so-normal behavior is to accept the wash of emotions that come over me when I am confused or insecure about my new relationship, to write them down and wait them out and to take some time off from seeing my new bf so that i can calm myself and understand what’s going on. This taking time off, even if only for one day, feels VERY strange to me. HOWEVER, it is much healthier than the alternative.
So…my point is…recovery will feel a little strange at times. Not calling G will feel WEIRD, like i’m not solving my problems. But that’s a trick of junkie thinking. Do not give up! The more you keep repeating good patterns of behavior, the more you are able to erase old, outmoded, destructive ones!