There is NO WAY that i can take credit for all my recovery here. At best, I am responsible for only a small fraction of the work– mainly integrating it all and taking action.
My recovery has been slightly different from others here, in that I began, believe it or not, on a quit smoking program online (quitnet.com). I learned through quitting my addiction to cigarettes that the same tenets can and should be applied to all other aspects of my life:
love yourself- you are all you’ve got
take care of your body- it’s a temple
do not pollute yourself or the environment- you are your own ecosystem & your friends and family breathe in YOUR air
I realized that this same learning needed to be applied and adapted to fit another side of my life where I was not practicing “self-love,” i.e. my relationship to G.
Also, I came across a website that had a chart and description of the “love addict-avoidant” relationship and it SHOCKED ME to see it so plain as day (http://healthymind.com/s-relationships.html). That was me and G. And i didn’t want it anymore.
I read, searched, researched, practiced the art of backing up my “values” with action, started to stand up for myself and learned two very important things:
1. Love is simple. Only two things are needed: you need to love the person and he needs to love you back with the same kindness and enthusiasm that you love him
2. Seeking out men that are like my father is no longer a healthy choice. I had NO choice when i was given my dad. But i DO have a choice now in looking for someone i want to be with.
I am currently learning that “drama” does not need to exist to be in love or have a healthy relationship. In fact, drama is mostly bad. It causes disrupt and pain. I am too old for that. But i still have to learn to accept “stable” people in my life. The extreme highs and lows are no longer something i can deal with.