Powerlessness~Step 1

I A) How are you powerless?
I am 39 yrs old and have STILL not figured out a way on my own to deal with this problems of mine. That being said, I am here to admit my powerlessness, let go and let God…

B) In step 1 what does “we” mean to you? “We” is an collective term for those willing to admit defeat and powerlessness over their addiction(s).

C) How has your life become unmanageable? 
Let’s see:
I have given up goals, given up direction, given up dreams & plans all for the “hope” of a new man.
I have wasted HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS and YEARS on thinking of nothing but my relationship to whomever.
I have let men control me. 
I have spent EXORBITANT amounts of money on men because I either felt sorry for them, wanted to impress them, or secretly even wanted to buy their love.
I have spent EXORBITANT amounts of money on men just to visit them in foreign countries or call them on the phone & chat for hours.
I have embarrassed myself
I have accepted the unacceptable
I have abandoned my VALUES for a man.
I have one or twice put my children at risk of emotional hurt or damage.
I have, on occasion, isolated myself from my family because of a man.
I have lowered my standards for a man
I have done things I would not normally do, just for a man.
I have ignored my children
& I have ignored my opportunity for true growth.

4 thoughts on “Powerlessness~Step 1

  1. Whew!!!! – I can identify with all the points listed under point C) How has your life become unmanageable?
    Very sobering to read this and actually admit this to myself.
    I am so glad to have found your blog!


  2. I’ve just come across this amazing page, I have been reading a lot on this and have a true desire to recover. However, I have a really strong urge to let my poa know everything I have read. I really want him to also break out of the cycle because he has no idea what he is going through. I do not want him back, nor do I want anything to happen in the future, but reading all this has been such an eye-opener I can’t help but want to let him know of all this. Is this wise or should I drop it all and focus on me 100%? I’ve always been the addict and demanded people’s attention, but for once I feel the urge to help someone else. I know this is a very old post, but I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thank you!


    1. Hello srashid18,

      This is a very typical response to reading new information on recovery and love addiction. We immediately want to take it all back to our PoAs and share the good news! My suggestion is always the same: you have TWO choices: you can either…

      a.) understand that it is your addiction that most likely wants to reconnect to your PoA, so do not take action. It may suddenly seem like you’ve become altruistic and suddenly want to “save” him. But, you need to save yourself first. Period. Work on yourself and let him go. He’ll find his own way. He’s most likely not helpless.

      b.) Or, depending on the situation (meaning, if you split up amicably) you could suggest a book or two (not a website you frequent; you want to save those all for yourself as too many exs end up stalking or getting into your private healing process). But a book or two is it. It’s no longer your job (actually, it never was) to teach and guide your PoA to healing. He must do that on his own.

      I hope this helps!


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