I went to therapy today (first time in a long while) and thank God I felt comfortable with this woman. She made lots of sense. I told her my history and that I am working the steps in LAA. I specifically told her about my ex, G, whom I loved the most and dated the longest out of everyone. I also added that he had intimacy issues & that we hardly EVER had sex. Her reply stunned me. I thought I’d share:
“I think in your case, based on your relationship with your father and your fear of abandonment, you loved G so much BECAUSE you never had sex. That you, in fact, are the one that fears intimacy and romance and love.”
I said, “how is that possible???? If I am “addicted to love” doesn’t that mean I love LOVE.”
“Absolutely not,” she said. “Being a love addict has little or nothing to do with actual love. It stems from a need to not be abandoned.”
I was quite shocked. Here I am all this time, trying to coax G into a physical relationship and pressuring him to change his ways and yet, I am the one who fears intimacy!
It makes sense, really. Because I tend to run real fast away from relationships that are overly sexual.
So…obviously i have a LONG way to go.
One thought on “Therapy”
This makes absolute sense: “Absolutely not,” she said. “Being a love addict has little or nothing to do with actual love. It stems from a need to not be abandoned.”
But how does that correlate with him not wanting sex and that satisfying your fear of abandonment?
I would think him not having sex would be a form of abandonment.. and would trigger your anxiety?
I would feel very abandoned if the man I loved didn’t want to sleep with me and would make me scared and run away.
I would think a man that wanted sex all the time would quell my fear…. and satisfy my fear of abandonment.
I don’t understand.