Valentine’s day or dooms day?


Hello friends! It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I figured today is as good as any to write something. In fact, I think today is a better day than most to write because today is my most detested day of the year, except maybe New Year’s Eve. The dreaded Valentine’s day. Happy, happy, happy…Actually, it is no longer my most detested day. It’s rather innocuous now. But, wow, 10 years ago? It was a nightmare.

Throughout my first marriage my ex-husband never even acknowledged V day. He never even bought me flowers for anything. Not Christmas. Not Mother’s day. Not any holiday whatsoever. Not even on the days I gave birth to either son, or the day I graduated with high honors from Rutgers University, after 16 years of trying. I don’t believe he even gave me flowers when my father died. In fact, to my dismay, one Valentine’s day I found out that he had sent some girl down in Georgia a dozen white roses. I never even got a sex toy wrapped in pink paper.

After the dissolution of my marriage, Valentine’s day for me continued on a downward spiral. There were the occasional carnations wrapped in plastic from a convenience store that G would pick up out of obligation. No card attached. There was the “I’ve been neglecting you to go party with friends” Valentine’s day lily from S (isn’t that the flower of DEATH?). I planted it in my front yard and the squirrels ate it. And finally, there was the “we just started fucking and I want to move out of my parents house and in with you” Valentine’s day flower and chocolate from M, which, admittedly, was quite nice. Yet, they came with such onus that every time I looked at them I couldn’t help but wonder if they were an omen of impending doom (they were).

At any rate, no guy ever got it right, if there was a guy in the first place. And so, I grew to hate V day. In fact, V day became a jarring reminder of the scraps that I was settling for. On top of that, I just wasn’t able to distance myself from what society said I should be on this day (part of a couple) and when you can’t do what society wants you to do, and you cannot be what society wants you to be, well, you feel like a complete loser.

It took me about 10 years to figure it out, but I finally did. V-day is just another day on the calendar. Screw society and Hallmark and FTD florist. Be your own person. Go to work. Meet up with friends. Go do something nice for yourself or do nothing at all. It’s just another day. A beautiful day. Why? Not because you’re single. But because you are alive!

Happy NOTHING day!

6 thoughts on “Valentine’s day or dooms day?

  1. I’ve had guys who did it right and honestly it was never a big deal. I’d rather a guy get it right the whole year instead of one day. My current guy is not overly romantic in his words but his actions tell a different story. He is the guy who will cook me my favorite meal or go for a drive put on music and do his best to be silly just to make me laugh and that is better than any overpriced flowers or meal on a day that is truly a marketing company’s dream.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi June – I think this is the same lovely June from the Susan P site? Anyway I would just like to share with you how much your blog/articles touch me. I am in recovery and some days do it better than others but always appreciate your honest apt in touch articles. In appreciation of all you share, Liz

    Be the change you wish to see in the world!

    >

    Like

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