The Break-Up Journal: Anger Issues

September 11—Starting off this morning with remembrance in my heart for those lost on 9/11. God. Here I am whining about my ridiculous problems when there are people out there whose family members jumped from the Twin Towers. I think of real tragedy like that and somehow my problems seem ridiculous.

And speaking of ridiculous, I went for my consultation with Dr. Brenner yesterday for a breast reduction. P said, and I’ve heard it so many times before, that my large breasts intimidate him. C once even told me to go to an A cup. Truth is, I’ve always hated having DDs. When you’re naturally that big you can never fly under the radar. You’re never taken seriously. Sex object? Of course. Normal human being with flaws, personality and a brain? Hardly. But $8,600 for a reduction? Yikes. I don’t think I want to put my money towards something I probably need to make peace with.

What else? I saw P in the morning and I got really angry when I detected cigarette smoke on him and asked him if he smoked cigarettes. He said no, twice. I could smell it in his mustache, and so I said, “Of course you smoked; it’s all right there.” Then I told him how much it means to me to tell the truth. Blah, blah, blah…Who the hell doesn’t know at age 40 that telling the truth is kinda important?

He said he didn’t want me to be upset and triggered and then want to smoke. Please. Am I that flimsy? The lies upset me even more than him trying to protect me. Overall, it wasn’t that much drama and I left only to see him later in the afternoon for early dinner with the boys.

Both boys were in a miserable mood. They are not dating P so why should they have to go out to dinner with him all the time? That was their complaint. But once we got out and he cracked a few of his jokes they were fine. Then P got violently ill and threw up at work. Poor guy. We made it home by 6:30 and we were all asleep by 8:30 with very little reading.

Today I’m going to the gym, then an OB/GYN appointment, then Angel has his first soccer game of the season. P is taking Jackie to get her tongue pierced today. What a good uncle (said with sarcasm).

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