50 Shades of Love Addiction…

http://magazine.good.is/slideshows/abuse-is-not-romanceI hope you don’t go see this movie. There, I said it. And I know I’m probably too late. You’ve already read the book (as did I). But here’s the thing: IF you do see the movie, I would like you to be very aware that this is a film about a narcissist and a love addict. And the reason it’s so darn popular–even among the healthy crowd– is because, while many of us may have a fantasy about being devoured by a hot, wealthy narcissist, who, in the end, falls madly in love with us and finally becomes normal, we recognize that it is NOT REAL, or for that matter, SAFE.

And I am certainly all for the *fun* aspect of this film. All for the parody. All for the lighthearted play that it elicits. Heck, the book has already proven to be quite an aphrodisiac for many women who were on the brink of sexual starvation. But I am only for all these things so long as the person (woman) reading or watching or participating in this phenomena is healthy minded and can easily see the difference between safe and sorry.

GOOD Magazine has a fabulous slideshow depicting “movie posters” for 50 Shades, but they’ve added abusive lines from the book to really drive home the idea that “abuse is not romance.” I couldn’t agree more. Moreover, they are promoting a campaign called, 50 Dollars Not 50 Shades, where you donate $50 to battered women’s clinics and opt OUT of seeing the film.

In the end it’s up to you whether you view it or not. Love addicts need to be especially careful not to get sucked into the emotional bondage being offered, and the FALSE promise of love. This movie is not about love. It’s about control. And as we all know, control’s a cheap imitation for a real, meaningful, respectful relationship, and, what poor, misguided Anastasia could have had instead, if she held out for someone less self-absorbed.  Anyway, have fun with it if you can; and, if you can’t, watch any of these non-romantic movies instead.

8 thoughts on “50 Shades of Love Addiction…

  1. I am so annoyed by this movie, it is awful. This guy is extremely abusive and the fact that people think this is “sexy” is so frustrating. Being degraded, humiliated, controlled, and emotionally abused is anything but sexy. The fact that almost all of mainstream society is obsessed with this movie is really really scary.

    I’ve realized that it’s best to just not watch mainstream movies or tv anymore, because it is filled with this stuff. It’s so sad.


  2. As if men (or women) need any more encouragement to be twisted and selfish and screwed up!! I like the idea of boycotting the movie and giving to a women’s shelter.

    Thanks for the straight up and truthful take on this garbage of a movie.


  3. I really appreciate such a solid, straightforward perspective on this movie.
    Just hearing all of the hubbub about it is really triggering to me.
    On one hand all of this stuff is so glamorized and made to seem very harmless and ‘forward-thinking’. On the other hand there is the reality: the messes that are made of people’s lives and emotions that people like you and other therapists have to untangle and reveal the truth to.
    I’m so grateful for your blog and all you do to help others.


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