A new concept occurred to me the other day and I wanted to share. I bumped into my PoA the other week and he’s kind of been back in my life in spurts. Back in the day when this happened i would try to “win him” back. That triggered the realization that I actually do this with my new boyfriend…i have this over-excessive need to PLEASE or WIN and it overtakes me and I lose sight of just ENJOYING the fact that we both like each other.
I don’t need to WIN anybody. No one does. Sure, in the beginning we put our best foot forward but that’s different. That last a few months and then reality sets in. If you are still working double time to please. STOP.
Taking my own advice, I’ve stopped putting my energy into doing dumb things like pacifying him, or holding back some of my feelings or expressions so as to not offend him. Going out of my way to help. Silly stuff that will ruin the relationship if i keep it up. Now, instead, I just do what comes more naturally. If i have something to say that i think might offend him, i say it anyway. And i say to myself, “this is who I am. As long as I am not being overly selfish or hurtful, I should be able to enjoy who I am in his presence. If he doesn’t like it, then oh well! There’s nothing i can do about it.” This way feels so much more real and better!!! No more winning. My man might be a prize but this ain’t no carnival!