I do believe in unconditional love, but I believe it is reserved for your HP and your children. In other words, unconditional love occurs naturally between a parent and child– mainly a parent to its child. The child can grow up and become a murderer. You might never want to speak to the child again, and yet, you still LOVE that child. No matter what the child does there are no conditions for your love of him or her.
Adults are different. They all love under certain conditions and I think conditional love is VERY healthy, especially for LAs. If you fall in love with someone who beats you but you still accept and tolerate this behavior because you love him “unconditionally” this is extremely unhealthy. In normal, healthy relationships people set values for themselves, rules, unwritten laws, boundaries and conditions. “I will love you but under the condition that I am being treated fairly and kindly.” “I will love you under the condition that you respect me…” and so on. Even though it is generally never said or discussed and it is pretty much understood under the canopy of LOVE that both parties should be treated well, the conditions are still there.
Unconditional love is therefore reserved for children, not adults. And that is perhaps why we seek it out so often. It’s the inner child calling for complete acceptance of its WHOLE, NATURAL SELF.
Love is not a right, it’s a privilege. It’s not something that should just fall out of the sky and be given to us. We work for love. When you are a child, you should not have to do anything for that love–it is freely given. But adults must work for love. The work you put into it is the conditions you set for YOURSELF and how well you abide by others’ conditions. Plain and simple.
Some people’s definition of “condition” is that you will “not do something unless you get something in return…” I agree that that’s bad for a relationship but I disagree that it is a “condition.” In my opinion, those are petty favors (i.e. If you rub my back i’ll rub yours, or if you drive me to work tomorrow i’ll make you dinner tonight. etc.) That is what i consider to be “bargaining,” which is a tool many people use to get what they want in a relationship.
Unconditional love, by definition, is “a term that means to love someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs.”
Furthermore: conditional love is love ‘earned’ on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the lover, whereas in unconditional love, love is ‘given freely’ to the loved one ‘no matter what’.
It’s the “no matter what” that i have a HUGE problem with because everyone’s definition of love is different. you cannot ASSUME that certain behaviors will exist between two people who love each other because there is no one standard to love or one right way to do it. Love is essentially defined by the conditions each individual sets forth. If you set no conditions, then you are putting yourself up for exposure to many unpleasant people and their definition of love.
Perhaps the argument comes more from the idea of whether or not you believe love should be “earned” (as I believe) or whether it should be freely given to you, despite who you are or what you do. I think if you believe in the latter it all too often gives you the freedom to not take responsibility for your actions. When love is earned, however, you realize that love and its conditions is a privilege and needs to be treated carefully.
In a perfect world it would be nice to think that people can love unconditionally. But in this world, where people’s needs are all so different, it just doesn’t seem possible or probable.