I read so many people’s posts on No Contact (NC) and how they struggle just to make it through day 1, day 5, day 500 etc. It is hard in the beginning and you DO count the hours etc. I quit smoking 8 months ago (2 pack a day habit) and believe me, it was tough. I also, of course, went through a period of NC with my ex (still am in NC, by the way–4 months and not counting).
But eventually i realized something VERY important about NC: That we have the power, through conscious-thinking, to view the act of NC as something with a very high value. When you place value on the ACT of letting go or quitting or not contacting your ex, you are essentially expressing self love.
So often we view NC as something we must “endure.” Days go by…they drag on…and we WAIT as if something will come of it in the end. Maybe they’ll call US, we think. “Maybe i’ll meet someone else so that i can forget about the last one…” But that’s an empty attempt at feeling whole and complete.
When we see our ability to remain in NC as something of an action that we, personally, have set in motion AND we assign it VALUE (“the fact that i am not contacting him/her has value. it means that i am taking care of myself”), it suddenly becomes a little easier to continue with NC. You have a REASON for remaining away form the source. A valuable one.
This lesson came very late in the game for me. I never realized that if i stayed away from certain people i was actually LOVING and CARING for myself. I didn’t realize that i could draw boundaries around myself and say: if you intend to hurt me, you’re NOT ALLOWED IN. Heck, I used to let everybody in. Come on in…it’s a party. So when someone would leave me or I would leave them for NC, i felt it as a LOSS.
I never realized until now that it was NOT a loss…in fact, it was a GAIN. I GAINED or REGAINED myself. NC is a gift you give yourself.
DO you see the value in that? Or am i just babbling???
5 thoughts on “Change your paradigm!”
I do see the value of what you shared/wrote and thank you for sharing. It is enlightening.
I have a question though…I am a recovering LA. I think its been a month since I said goodbye to my PoA who is a married man. We met on a travel site. I deleted my travel account two months ago. I blocked him on my FB account as well. A month later I signed up for a new account on the same travel/social site because I love to write and I enjoy sharing my travel experiences. When I signed up I did on a new user name and of course, I DID NOT added him back into my cluster of friends. So I still see him “around” but by God’s grace I am able to say no to my every once in a while cravings to connect or contact him. The thing is, yes so far I am successful but I will be honest that sometimes I still check on what he writes on those forums. Please tell me…maybe you can see my real intentions why I went back to the site…maybe you can tell me honestly as someone from outside of the situation…If I still see him on the forums and still check him out there every once in a while is that considered as still in contact even though I no longer chat with him or I no longer send messages to him (and vice versa). If I leave the site again, what about my interest of writing travel blogs? I feel that I am sacrificing something I really love doing just because of one person…
If you have the chance , kindly tell me what you think…Thank you very much for reading. ~ thekeytomyheart
OK, so you want my opinion? In love addiction recovery circles what you’re doing is known as stalking. SOunds horrifying because you’d never stalk, right?! Well, that’s what you’re doing. Close up shop on that website and move to another one. There are literally hundreds of wonderful travel forums. And here’s the bottom line: if you said goodbye to this guy, why are you still holding on? You’re a traveler… so you know when it’s time to pack your bags and move on. This particular trip is over 🙂
Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after browsing through some
of the post I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely delighted I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!