I read so many people’s posts on No Contact (NC) and how they struggle just to make it through day 1, day 5, day 500 etc. It is hard in the beginning and you DO count the hours etc. I quit smoking 8 months ago (2 pack a day habit) and believe me, it was tough. I also, of course, went through a period of NC with my ex (still am in NC, by the way–4 months and not counting).
But eventually i realized something VERY important about NC: That we have the power, through conscious-thinking, to view the act of NC as something with a very high value. When you place value on the ACT of letting go or quitting or not contacting your ex, you are essentially expressing self love.
So often we view NC as something we must “endure.” Days go by…they drag on…and we WAIT as if something will come of it in the end. Maybe they’ll call US, we think. “Maybe i’ll meet someone else so that i can forget about the last one…” But that’s an empty attempt at feeling whole and complete.
When we see our ability to remain in NC as something of an action that we, personally, have set in motion AND we assign it VALUE (“the fact that i am not contacting him/her has value. it means that i am taking care of myself”), it suddenly becomes a little easier to continue with NC. You have a REASON for remaining away form the source. A valuable one.
This lesson came very late in the game for me. I never realized that if i stayed away from certain people i was actually LOVING and CARING for myself. I didn’t realize that i could draw boundaries around myself and say: if you intend to hurt me, you’re NOT ALLOWED IN. Heck, I used to let everybody in. Come on in…it’s a party. So when someone would leave me or I would leave them for NC, i felt it as a LOSS.
I never realized until now that it was NOT a loss…in fact, it was a GAIN. I GAINED or REGAINED myself. NC is a gift you give yourself.
DO you see the value in that? Or am i just babbling???