August 29—I feel bad for not writing yesterday but there was really nothing to write about. Susan, on the boards, made a huge post about tough love and how she supports me. I thought that was so nice. I went to the gym to teach a spin class but no one showed, so I took Kelly’s weight class. I feel it today and I’m quite happy about that. Nothing like a good muscle ache to know you’ve worked hard. My goal is to go every Tuesday and Thursday for weights and Monday and Friday for spin. That should get me back in shape. I also desperately want to pay down my credit card and get it to zero balance.
I had very good dreams of P last night although I only vaguely remember them. In the dream I saw him pick up a little girl with a dress on and hold her up under the arms as if he were about to throw her playfully in the air. I wonder if that little girl was me.
I forgot to mention that I spent the day with C on Wednesday. I guess that’s a good sign that I forgot to mention it. I snuck off to his house to see the work he did. He himself stained the whole house orange cedar along with his deck. It looks fabulous. Plus, he’s getting horses. I’m a little bit jealous. He’s always been where I wanted to be. I curse those four things he couldn’t give me. But, I got him to agree to meet P. If that really happens I’d be surprised. But my god, they are just so damn similar. Do I feel an ounce of guilt spending time with C while I’m dating P? Not really. In fact, I feel like it’s my secret joy. And as long as there is no physical cheating, I feel clean.
Taken from: The Break-Up Journal