August 29—I feel bad for not writing yesterday but there was really nothing to write about. Susan, on the boards, made a huge post about tough love and how she supports me. I thought that was so nice. I went to the gym to teach a spin class but no one showed, so I took Kelly’s weight class. I feel it today and I’m quite happy about that. Nothing like a good muscle ache to know you’ve worked hard. My goal is to go every Tuesday and Thursday for weights and Monday and Friday for spin. That should get me back in shape. I also desperately want to pay down my credit card and get it to zero balance.
I had very good dreams of P last night although I only vaguely remember them. In the dream I saw him pick up a little girl with a dress on and hold her up under the arms as if he were about to throw her playfully in the air. I wonder if that little girl was me.
I forgot to mention that I spent the day with C on Wednesday. I guess that’s a good sign that I forgot to mention it. I snuck off to his house to see the work he did. He himself stained the whole house orange cedar along with his deck. It looks fabulous. Plus, he’s getting horses. I’m a little bit jealous. He’s always been where I wanted to be. I curse those four things he couldn’t give me. But, I got him to agree to meet P. If that really happens I’d be surprised. But my god, they are just so damn similar. Do I feel an ounce of guilt spending time with C while I’m dating P? Not really. In fact, I feel like it’s my secret joy. And as long as there is no physical cheating, I feel clean.
Taken from: The Break-Up Journal
Girl Rebuilt 
I always struggle. I don’t see my spending time with a male friend or talking and texting with them as cheating. But A sees it as that. It’s one of our challenges. He sees it as me keeping my options open and I see it aschatting with any other female friend. It’s a struggle.
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That’s a problem of values. A’s “value system” leads him to believe your behavior is wrong, whether it is or isn’t. It doesn’t make him feel good. You, on the other hand, believe your behavior is fine. Which it may be for any other guy. But not for this one 🙂 So…it might look like you have a decision to make. How important is A versus how important is texting and communicating with others? THat’s the eternal dilemma of love and relationships. Ideally, you want to be in a relationship with someone who shares your same values (i.e. allows you to be yourself as much as possible without feeling threatened by your behavior). But sometimes, we have to make tiny sacrifices for those we love. 🙂
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