When you look at your Person of Addiction (PoA) who do you see? Describe him or her. Write it down. Good qualities and bad. Is he avoidant? Careless? Disrespectful? Dishonest? Happy? Kind? Funny? And then…(surprise, surprise) know that you are looking at YOURSELF.

If you are with a disrespectful man…it is YOU who is disrespecting yourself.

If you are with an avoidant man…it is YOU who is avoiding yourself and your deeper problems.

If you are with a dishonest man…it is YOU who is not being honest with yourself.

Furthermore, ask yourself, are you angry with him? Frustrated? Disappointed? Unfulfilled? When we take responsibility for our lives and start to deeply love ourselves, we realize that this is known as projection. We are angry with ourselves. We are frustrated with ourselves. And so, we attract partners that allow us to express these emotions, without having to put the blame on ourselves. If I am with an avoidant partner, it’s not my fault. It’s his! If I am with a man who does not give me what I want, it’s his fault, not mine! Right?

Wrong.

Like attracts like. Water seeks its own level.

In order to be healthier and attract a healthier partner, YOU need to be everything you’d like in a mate. And you need to find the source of frustration and anger within yourself and heal it. It’s not, after all, his fault he’s avoidant, disrespectful or dishonest. It’s yours for staying with him.