Up at 3:15 am to leave the house by 5am with my kids, to pick up mom and step dad and head to the airport. We’re heading out to Arizona for 4 heat-soaked desert days, and I can’t wait! I really don’t like early morning flights like this, but I do like arriving in Arizona at 10:30 in the morning with the whole day ahead of me.
I’ve had a terrible two days, most of which were spent in the ER suffering with chest tightness and stomach pain. Luckily last night, I was able to sleep a decent 5-6 hours uninterrupted. I’m not sure that’s enough. Yet, it’ll have to do. I felt very weak yesterday, but happy to go home. And I wasn’t so weak that I couldn’t get what I needed to get done—finish packing a few items, making rice for dinner, picking up meds, etc. By 7pm, I felt almost normal. While in the shower, feeling every little ping and click and ache and weird sensation I told myself I will drive myself crazy if I continue to listen to the clatter that is coming from my body. My body is trying to HEAL. It’s not perfect. It’s going to makes somewhat of a racket as it works to get me back to feeling better. My goal is to STOP paying attention to all these sensations (unless of course there’s something serious) and just recognize that my body is doing its job. And that I WILL get better. Period. Enough with the doomsday thinking. Enough with the heart attack thinking. I am HEALTHY. I eat well. I exercise. I simply fall prey to stress. But, when I get back from Arizona, I think I am going to look into therapy again. It’s been a long time that I’ve needed that, but I need to work on this issue of how to deal with stress and anxiety. It’s causing me a lot of suffering. I also need to find a life of my own.
What does any of this have to do with recovery? Not much! But I thought I’d post a dear diary entry today to share. And when I get back I would like share my insight as to why I think I have been so stressed and physically ill when by all appearances my life is seemingly perfect!
Until then, wish me luck and lots of stressless fun and peace on this vacation! I need it 🙂