In recovery we sometimes think in terms of extremes. When we recognize co-depenent, caretaker qualities in ourselves that we wish to overcome, we often think that we should kiss ALL care-taker traits goodbye. That any form of care-taking is bad. We do this, obviously, to protect ourselves. When we have been carrying around the burden of a personal quality that has been holding us back or getting in the way of our growth, we tend to think it needs to be completely removed. This is absolutely not the case!
What I am learning in my own world is that balance is the answer. The control-freak side of me that wants to do everything for everyone needs to put on the breaks. But when one of my kids or D gets sick, my caretaker traits, when they automatically kick in, are much needed. Not only does it feel good to fall into that role (taking care of others is part of my nature), but my care and support, in this particular instance, is much appreciated.
It’s when we go overboard, or do for others what they could do for themselves that we run the risk of falling back into codependency.
My point? If you by nature are a caretaker, take pride in that, but bring out those awesome qualities only when the situation calls for it. If you are driven to care for others more than the average cold, maybe it might be a good idea to look for a job in the helping profession (nurse, doctor, waitress, service-oriented jobs, etc.)
2 thoughts on “The positive side of care-taking”
Oooh this is good. Thank you. As a love addict I struggle with balance a LOT and I always need to hear about it! I am a very helpful person and thankfully am going into a helping profession (counseling). Even with that though I am still figuring out when I shouldn’t be caring for other people! Hard line to decide on, that’s for sure.
i really appreciate your explanation, I’ve dealing with this trait of my personality and sometimes it turn confuse for me to know, where to help or don’t poke my nose on it. is good what you said about recognising this quality and the correct moment to act and to respect the people decision.
thanks’ a lot 🙂