Not sure if you are following along on the boards, but we’ve decided to do a weekly challenge…
So much of our recovery talk, good and bad, is wrapped up in our partner or our person of addiction (PoA) and how our lives apply to them. For example:
“I am really starting to see that my PoA doesn’t validate me…”
“My PoA left me a month ago, but my pain is severe”
“I want to focus on myself because I realize my PoA took that away from me”
“It’s easy for me to dump my PoA, but then I try to find the love of my life…”
No matter how you talk about your PERSON OF ADDICTION you are perpetuating the addiction. In the beginning, I can understand reflection on who he or she was, and how his or her life affected yours. But eventually, your recovery is all about you, and you have to learn to live without the crutch of the PoA.
Yes, that’s everyone’s ultimate goal, to quit their addiction to someone. But let’s make it a little more of an action oriented goal rather than something we talk about and analyze.
Here’s the challenge:
Starting today, and lasting exactly one week, see if you can avoid mentioning your PoA in all of your posts or comments here or on the boards AND (and this is all on you, I can’t keep track) avoid talking about him to others in your real life.
Whoa. This will be a very difficult challenege for some. But in the end, it will help you to understand the extent to which you really depend on the memory of the PoA, the conversation about the PoA, or the connection to the PoA.
Anyone willing to participate in the challenge, sign up here with a comment! We can all help eachother stay on track. If you slip, you slip. But keep count of how many times you slip. That too will help you determine how much more effort you need to put into getting the PoA off the brain.
And remember, this is a one-week challenge. It’s a goal. If it works for you, keep it going! You are not denying yourself a true, soul searching analysis of yourself and your life by not talking about someone you’re addicted to. No alcoholic ever had to talk about the actual liquid in the bottle in order to give himself a full and proper recovery.
So, who’s with me?????
8 thoughts on “Talk to the hand challenge!”
I’m in !
I’m in 2 weeks no contact, starting to feel great…but the past 2 days have been challenging. Roses, voice mails begging me to go out to dinner, all kinds of “earnest” gestures. I don’t lime him. I don’t like how he acts and treats people. I need no further proof. I am done. But my feelings stories me–even knowing all that I know and even feeling disgust! Still there is that THING that has got to be addiction! UGH! It’s like when I quit smoking! I’ll be reading and re reading your blog and baggage reclaim non stop.
Lola, Brainwashing yourself is the BEST thing to do to get rid of thoughts you no longer wish to think. So keep reading good self help stuff. It will empower you. By the way, you slipped! Quick! Talk about YOU, not the PoA 🙂
Thanks for answering me though! I have been hanging out with my mom all day.
I’m in. Throwing away that PoA crutch…
Good for you!