Just got pinged? Let it go!
See it for what it really is and keep it in perspective. A ping, for those who don’t already know, is when an ex texts or calls you after a break up, just to “check in” on you. To a love addict, this is a sign of continued love and attention. To a healthy person, it is literally the LOWEST form of communication imaginable and not worthy of any real response.
A ping might be this:
“thinking of you,” or “hope you’re OK” or “what’s up?” or “you busy?”
But the real, underlying message of a ping is this:
I really don’t want to communicate with you because I’m either really immature or because I just really don’t like you, and yet, I feel obligated to send you something so that maybe you’ll validate MY existence…and maybe even want to have sex with me again because right now, I got nothing.
That’s the extent of a ping. And quite frankly, I don’t care how low on the totem pole you think you are, you deserve more than that.
So…let it go as if it were a mosquito, or a pesky bug. Toss it in the trash like you would junk mail. Hang up as if you’re hanging up on a telemarketer.
I think, too, we mention being pinged as a way to feel good about ourselves, to prove our worth: “See! He’s still trying to contact me!”
But pings are not love. They are not well-thought out, intimate acts of communication or commitment. When someone loves you and wants to have a real live human relationship with you, they pick up the phone and say, let’s talk…they come over, they want to work things out, they want to be with you not just for sex, not just to validate themselves. They actually like being with you. If you don’t learn this, if you don’t start to believe this then a ping becomes your only lifeline to a world that sustains you. And that’s not much.
When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired something in you just doesn't want to give up on yourself anymore. Your own self worth is the driving force that no longer ACCEPTS pings or believes in them as acts of love. When you do that, "pings" start to have less and less value and your own personal worth in yourself starts to grow.
3 thoughts on “Ping!”
So, two days ago I read this. Identified with it. Agreed with it. Then yesterday I was pinged. I felt I was past it. He was, after all, an obsession that I had moved on from. And he pinged again later that day when I didn’t respond right away. I’ve been sick lately, so people, this guy included, have been writing to check in on me. To him, I am his friend that he had been interested in at one time but to whom he no longer held an interest in but contacted from time to time. Platonic. To me, he was or had been a maybe, if I ever moved closer to him geographically and maybe if we were both unattached, and maybe if he could be interested in me like be was before I refused to cheat on my husband (at the time) with him, we could try again. But supposedly, since I have been working on my recovery, I had understood he was just some unavailable, uninterested guy. I got that. So why, when he failed to write me right back after I responded (I had fulfilled his need for validation afterall) and after I wrote him asking for a response, to which he told me he was heading on vacation to Rome with a girlfriend I had never heard about until today, why, after all that, did my heart sink a little bit before I pulled myself together and remembered that I had moved on anyway? Why?
Yeah. Ignore that ping. So not worth it. Other than to solidify why you should just keep moving on. And stick to your bottom lines.
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When someone pings you and you respond, they are validated. When you respond and they do NOT respond back you are NOT validated. It goes the same way. When we base our lives on substance and not needing to be validated all the time this “heart sink” goes away. 🙂